Yesterday, my managing editor quit.
This shouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re suddenly faced with losing your mentor, feelings of confusion and rejection are likely to ensue.
Sure, she has dedicated six-and-a-half years of her life to a somewhat mediocre job where her boss didn’t exactly respect her hard work, but how dare she!
Initially, I laughed. Not the normal ha ha, you’re so funny laugh, but more of an excessively nervous, panicked, WTF is happening sort of laugh. Then I ate. I eat when I’m nervous, and yes, it’s not a pretty sight! Then, I was almost reduced to tears, thinking about the stressful onslaught that’s sure to arise during her last two-weeks in the office.
Then, my final emotion hit. Anger. How dare she?! She quit, knowing all too well that my relatively unexperienced hands would be left to pick-up the pieces. Does this mean she never even cared? Was our workplace friendship just a rouse to lull me into a sense of complacency, so when she eventually left, I would end up feeling deflated and neglected?
Probably not, but that doesn’t make things any easier.
She hired me straight out of uni, took my shamefully mediocre writing skills and made them semi-decent, and she took my naive mind and helped turn me into the writer I am today. I can’t be angry over that. I should me appreciative. In fact, I am appreciative, but I’m also upset.
On her last day, October 7, I will face an ending, but I’ll also face a beginning. She has given me the skills to make something of my career, and I suppose her parting gift is giving me the opportunity to step-up.
Will I be able to? I don’t know! Am I going to try? Well, why not? Right now, I have nothing to loose, and everything to gain. She taught me everything I know, but before I move onto my next endeavour, I need to know that what I’ve learnt will hold-up when left to my own devices.
I suppose only time will tell.